I’ve been thinking about sex a lot lately.
Lol. Not like that…
I’ve been thinking about what makes sex good for me. Pondering what I like, what I don’t, what I want and why. It’s that time in my life where I have enough experience in the bedroom that I can be choosy. I don’t have to take the first penis that comes along and hope that he knows what he is doing. I know what I am doing. Therefore my standards are a bit higher. I no longer just want to have sex. I want to have excellent sex. I want to have transcendent sex.
I know how to make that happen. Lucky me. But it has been more than a little difficult to figure out how to translate that information to potential partners. And I have realized that this is because really excellent sex goes way beyond technique. Most of us have never taken sexual performance out of “touch here, stroke there”. Most of us have never taken it beyond performance.
And that, my friends, is the problem.
Truly excellent sex is an energetic exchange mapped out by the source to allow we humans to have a godlike, transcendent experience. If two people are functioning together optimally, with this understanding (either in the front, or the back of their minds), sex will take them out of their bodies and into the astral. It is the finest, most pleasurable meditation ever crafted. And it is a gift of being human. All that struggle and strife we inherit just by being alive? We get to leave these bodies and hang out in an ocean of pleasure. This, in my opinion, is our reward for taking on this blessing-burden of humanity.
But, sadly, somewhere along the line we forgot how to do it. Or maybe we never learned. Maybe just now we are beginning to rise above our basic animal nature and experience this. I don’t know. But through the study of yoga, taoism, kundalini and tantra, I think I have isolated the problem. And maybe the solution.
These human bodies are truly energetic systems. We have energy centers (chakras) and energy lines (meridians or nadis). We have elements (tattvas) that govern a large part of our mental-emotional state. We also have circuits that can be closed or open. We exist in a state of energetic charge, and whether that charge is high, low, positive or negative determines how we feel, where we go, what we share, and how we connect. Understanding all of this helps craft our sexual perspective, and creates our sexual experience.
So bear with me as I work around to the point.
Women and men both have what is called an arcline. This is a halo of energy within our magnetic field that stretches over the forehead from ear to ear. It is where we all transmit and receive spiritual information; It is how we project ourselves and our truths to others. Women have an additional arcline that stretches from nipple to nipple. This arcline is extremely sensitive and can take a lot of damage if abused. It covers the heart of woman and gives us a huge and natural capacity to transmit the vibrations of unconditional love.
There is also within each individual what is called the Microcosmic Orbit. It is a very large energetic channel that runs from the root center (pelvic floor) up the spine and over the crown of the head. When the tongue is placed behind the two front teeth, this creates a “lock” that allows the energy to run over the tongue and down the front of the body, returning to the root to start over again. This channel provides a lot of spiritual energy to all of the energetic centers, and keeps the physical body healthy and vibrant. It isn’t something that just happens; it has to be activated.
Furthermore, within each of us there are ‘poles’. Not unlike magnets, we each have a positive and negatively charged pole. In men, the heart is negatively charged and the lingham (penis) is positively charged. In women, this is reversed with the heart having a positive charge and the yoni (vagina) having a negative charge. I believe that this positive charge is what gives the female the extra arcline over the heart.
So if you take all of this information and think about what happens–energetically–when we come together sexually, you may be able to see the circuit that should be forming. Positive charges project, negative charges receive. The lingham projects postively charged energy into the receiving yoni, which is then moved up the spine–gathering energetic charge along the way– to the female heart and arcline, which projects out into the receiving male heart. This energy then goes back down to the lingham–gathering energy along the way to start the circuit again. If the partners are in full embrace with the tongues twining, the circuit actually creates an infinite loop, which carries this energy through the tongues, up over the crown of the head, through the hearts and down to start over. And it just keeps getting stronger and more powerful each time this circuit runs. (*This is also possible for homosexual couples)
Jing (Ching), or Sexual energy–the energy we should be sharing and spinning around– is the most powerful human energy that there is. It is extremely regenerative. Through it life is created.
Let me say that again.
Through sexual energy, life is created.
That makes us the gods, folks. Through the act of sex, we open the door to a creation level event. You, each and every one of you, are gods. The power that comes from that energy is intensely, unbelievably pleasurable–think orgasm to the nth degree that doesn’t ever peak or stop. Think about the essence of life being circulated through you and your partners bodies together. Think about what that can do to you and for you. Bliss, joy, beauty, life….
This is what we are circulating through one another when we have real sex. My sexual life/godforce traveling through yours, picking up charge and power along the way, which then comes back through me picking up power and charge along the way, which then goes back to you….and so on and so forth. Just. Holy fuck. Literally.
And yet most of us settle for a quick wham, bam, thank you ma’am. We just toss this energy out for about 2 seconds of feeling pretty damn good–if it even happens at all. What a fucking waste. Again. Literally.
Furthermore, it is starting to seem to me as if we have somehow reversed the poles of how we give/ receive this sexual energy. I really don’t know how, and this is speculation in the extreme, but given my experience and the cultural expectations that are out there, I am seeing a pattern of behaviour that leads me to believe that we have managed to neatly flip things around. To the great detriment of our collective sexual-spiritual health.
Look around. The cultural message I see most often is that women need to learn how to sexually please men. We are taught how to visually please them, and we are often reduced to just pieces and parts. The yoni is not at all thought of as a gateway to spiritual bliss; it is seen as a place where men receive sexual pleasure. Hear that again: The yoni is where men receive pleasure. And women are covertly taught that by giving men pleasure they will receive love. The female heart becomes a potential center of receiving. So if we project our energy out of the yoni through sex we will receive love through the heart.
This is backwards. And it flat out doesn’t work. As any woman with any age under her belt knows, expecting a man to love you because you have sex with him is a sure fire way to heartbreak. The man gets his pleasure and the woman gets hurt. On an energetic level this is because the positive charge is being pulled down and out through a circuit that was never designed to run that way. The arcline is being abused and it begins to invert backwards into the chest. This leaves woman vulnerable, insecure and constantly seeking for heart-security.
What does this do to our men? It closes down the circuitry that enables them to be vulnerable, trusting, and able to receive a powerful spiritual love. According to many tantric and yogic sciences, it is the woman who is responsible for the elevation of the man. I believe that this is because the arcline, when properly aligned, expands to include the one held in that embrace. Unconditional love–or divine love–is radiated and received and a man, for whatever time is available to him, can put down his weapons and his ego and just be loved as god loves.
This is the power of an awakened woman.
When we are able to be as energetically natural as we can be, this arcline is strengthened and expands. We have secure woman and all the petty nonsense disappears. When the petty nonsense disappears, we have secure man. Secure man doesn’t have to fuck or plunder or fight to prove that he is, indeed, a man. On some level, I think we all long for that. We were designed for it. Our energetic vessels are hard-wired for it. And within that wiring lies a capacity for a pleasure so intense that most people don’t have an inkling of its power.
By consciously accepting the role of receiver, you must raise and return the energy your partner has awakened in you. By participating in the role of giver, you must project as much loving energy into your partner as you can, through the sexual entry. As the giver, you must be 100% tuned into your partner’s pleasure, rise and crest. You are responsible for holding the space needed for them to go as high as they can–understanding that they will take you with them. As the receiver, you are responsible for letting go of tethers and inhibitions and flying up into the ether. Stay joined, stay connected, but do not concern yourself with earthly worries.
It doesn’t take a lot of funky techniques to master it. It will feel awkward at first as the old conditioning is broken down. There will be blush-worthy conversations that must take place. But the first time you run that circuitry and understand that we are indeed gods….you will never go back. That old kind of sex will feel like a violation. An abuse. You will be both healed and transformed.
The first step is simple. Just accept that this is something that you want and make a commitment to yourself. If you are with a partner, have the conversation. Odds are, if they love you, they will come on board to see what is out there for you both. If you are solo, be prepared to buck convention and choose your own power over fear-based do-it-or-lose-it sex. And talk about it, be unashamed about your choices.
This is not a difficult journey, and it can be as practical or as esoteric as you want it to be. The practice of sacred sex can also be as casual as a one night stand, or a true expedition of intimacy for long-term couples. At its core it is simple change of mindset that radiates through all the bodies of our being. As it travels through you and your partner, hopefully it will continue out and beyond to effect real changes in all the beings of our culture.
Somo Unos. We are all one. And here is where we feel it.